Anxiety is not something you can completely eliminate from your life. Oftentimes, clients tell me, “I just want to stop feeling anxious and I want this to go away.” However, this is an unrealistic goal.
Anxiety has a purpose in our lives. I know that may seem like a strange statement to accept, but it is true. Once I understood this, I was able to heal and eliminate my fear of my anxious moments. Anxiety helps to protect us; it alerts us to danger in our environment. Anxiety is trying to tell us something is not right. But unfortunately, anxiety can be uncomfortable, scary and stop us from doing things. The great thing is that there are many tools that we can utilize in order to reduce anxiety, learn to live with anxiety and even make anxiety our friend.
Many women struggle with anxiety disorders — but why aren’t we talking about it? Cultural pressures have caused women to be scared to tell others about their anxiety due to fear of judgment, invalidation (even when unintentional) and rude comments. There is definitely a stigma to talking about any kind of mental health issue. While society is improving in this area, there is still a lot of work to be done.
It is my goal to help women embrace their identity and accept their anxiety. Having anxiety is very common among women and anxiety is not always a bad thing. The problems enter when others around you make you feel guilty about your anxiety, causing you to keep it balled up inside rather than talking about it. You shouldn’t feel like you need to apologize for your anxious thoughts.
There is also a stigma regarding women taking medication for anxiety. But taking medication should not be embarrassing and doesn’t need to be kept a secret if you don’t want it to be.
I used to be scared to tell my friends that I had anxiety. I often had to hide it and pretend nothing was wrong when, inside, my stomach was twisting and I felt anxious. Sometimes I would worry while hanging out with my friends, but I did not know how to shut those feelings down. Other times I would be at my desk in my room, rewriting my to-do list and schedule because I could not keep up and felt overwhelmed — but still, I would not tell anyone.
Now, I am not afraid to share my story if others want to hear it. There is no shame in having anxiety and working on yourself in order to feel better. I am a therapist and continue to deal with anxiety, but now I want to educate others that it is okay to have anxiety and to cope with it in ways that are best for you.
Remember that your journey will be full of trial and error. Some of your friends will be comfortable having these conversations and know exactly what to say Other friends may be invalidating and say the wrong things, like telling you to “stop worrying,” “just relax,” or “turn it off” while you know that it’s not that simple
If you’ve ever felt embarrassed by your anxiety, now is the time to start accepting yourself for who you are — anxiety and all.
Unfortunately, not many people are trained to be active listeners or know how to be empathic and put themselves in your shoes. For others, be empathic comes naturally.
Here are some tips to help you get started on your journey to embracing your anxiety and opening up about it with those around you.
- Pick a friend who you think will be accepting
- Pick a place where you feel comfortable talking about your anxiety.
- Practice what you want to say in order to help reduce your anxiety a little. You can also write it down if that is easier for you.
- Choose a time that is convenient for you and the person you are talking to.
- Gently tell others when you are feeling scared. There is no reason to be ashamed of your anxiety. Everyone experiences anxiety, but some people experience it more. Let others in.
- Anxiety is not a weakness. You are stronger for enduring your anxiety and it makes you stronger. It is time to see anxiety as an emotional strength.
- Let the anxiety in and remind yourself that your anxiety is not truly going to hurt you. Learning about your anxiety so you can better understand it and explain it to others.
I know it is hard to talk about your anxiety to others, but in the end, the more you embrace your anxiety the less scary it will become and the more support you’ll receive. You don’t have to do this alone. Remember that anxiety is not a weakness, but a strength.
“You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy.” – Andrea Gibson
If you are still not ready to talk to friends and family due to fear of being judged or being a burden, then counseling could be a great option to manage your anxiety.
Hugs,
Dr. Rosie
Dr. Rosie Garcia, Licensed Psychologist, supporting and inspiring women to find acceptance, self-love and inner harmony.
